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Saturday, October 13th, 2007
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7:44 am - My Daughter
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Aura went to Nemours yesterday to have her ears checked and see why she has so many ear infections. Aura failed her hearing test. I found out that she currently has an ear infection and her ear drum is ruptured again. So she is taking medicine for a week. Then we are waiting an additional week before going back to Nemours. They will make sure her infection is gone and then schedule her for surgery to have tubes put in her ears. About a week after putting the tubes in she will have her hearing tested again. If it still hasn't improved they will explain some options to me at that time. I'm so scared this is just like Shaun's daughter all over again. Who by the way has to wear a hearing aid and read lips, but she knew how to talk a lot more when it happend to her.
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| Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
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9:27 am - Birthday Blues
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I was planning on going out for my birthday, but now my brother (who was going to watch the kids for me) has a job and doesn't feel like watching them at all. Plus, I'm absolutly broke, so I doubt that I'm going anywhere or doing anything. :(
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| Thursday, August 30th, 2007
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11:51 am - I think I have PPD!!!!!
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Bouts of depression are popping up all over the world in Harry Potter fans and most say it started at the end of the last book. This epidemic is now being called Post Potter Depression or PPD. Even J.K.Rowling admits to having a very low week after she finished the book and even broke down at one point. She compared her depression to what it must feel like to loose a child. While I didn't create the world of Harry Potter, I can't claim the loss of a child, but I will say that it is like the loss of a sibling to me. Since I finished the last book I haven't wanted to do much more than mope around the house. Harry Potter has been with me for many years. We went through some good times and hard time, but Harry always cheered me up. Now I feel stuck in this monotanous loop of trying to keep Harry alive and even to bring back the innocense I had when I read the first book. I've been watching all the movies from my childhood again. I can't even bring myself to reread a book. I tried last night and broke down crying. I don't really understand this. I have read other book series and I didn't feel like this at the end of them. I don't know how to get rid of this bummed feeling either. I can only seem to manage it dissipating for short periods of time while my brain is distracted by other things. It has been at least a month since I finished the book. Hopefully this will get better eventually.
current mood:  depressed
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| Monday, August 20th, 2007
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10:23 am - My B-Day!!
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My Birthday List- B-day Sept. 5th
I'm just writing this list to give people an idea of what to get me if they wish to get me anything, but by no means is anyone required to get me anything. The thing I want most from people is just to spend time with me. Shaun has pretty much agreed to watch the kids for me on my birthday and I would like to go to 57 heaven on Atlantic. Any of my friends are welcome to meet me there.
Clothes: Pretty much anything from hot topic. I wear a large for shirts and an extra large for bottoms. Clothes from Charolette Rouse is good too.
Books: I like the Ravenloft series, Forgotten Realms, Anne Rice books, The Spiderwick Series, Or series of unfortunate events any book #9 or over, the Spiderwick field guide, the celestial prophecy series, and Lenore comics.
Movies: Matrix trilogy, dark crystal, the princess bride, the storyteller series, buffy series, angel series, The L word series, the highlander movies, and my mom has already said she will get me Labyrinth and Legend.
Misc.: I wouldn't mind having a gecko again or some poison dart frogs.
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| Sunday, August 12th, 2007
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11:31 am - Family Ties...
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My family ties seem to pull me down farther and farther into the place where I was as a child. A visit from my grandmother reminds me of how everything I do will never be up to her standards. I will always be a whore and useless. These are the things she has been reminding me of since I was 10. I've always been disgusting in her eyes. I'm starting to think that these things are reflections of her. Never good enough for her mother and a whore. I miss my great grandmother so much. She loved me and she understood me. Never discouraged me from my dreams and let me know that I was perfect just as I am. I love you Nana.
current mood: uncomfortable
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| Friday, July 20th, 2007
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9:17 am - a death
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Yesterday around 3pm, my mother's boyfriend passed away. Shaun and I will be at our mom's house for a while.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
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5:56 pm
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Harry Potter Book 7
There are only 32 more days until the next and final Harry Potter book comes out. I am quite excited to see if some of my theories based on the previous books will be true. I'm going to list some of them here and if you read the series you can tell me what you think, but I'm pretty sure that I am the only dork in my circle of friends that has read all the books at least 7 times each and has pretty much memorized them. I have also made notes out of each book.
Theory 1: In book 6 Harry Potter finds a note from someone whose initials are R.A.B. in a locket that was supposed to be a Horcrux of Voldemorts. Well since almost everything you read in these books seems to be connected, I think that the initials belong to a person mentioned in book 5 named Regulus Black (Sirius' brother). In book five Sirius explains how his brother became a death eater and once he found out something about Voldemort he didn't want to be one any more and was killed for betrayig his "Master". Well on the note that Harry Potter found it says, and I'm paraphasing here "If you are reading this, I am probably already dead." and explains how the mystery person has taken the Horcrux and destroyed it. Well that seems like a betrayal to me and he knew he was going to die for it.
Theory 2: At the end of book 6 Harry says that he would like to go back to his parent's old house to visit his parents graves and try to find some clues there to the where abouts of Voldemort's remaining Horcrux. Well none of the books mention anything about Harry having living relatives or pretty much anything about his relatives except for his Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin with whom he lives. His Aunt did mention one sentence that contained a tiny tidbit of information on his grandparents on his mother's side. She said "Mum and Dad were so delighted when Lily recieved her letter. So proud to have a witch in the family" Which leads to believe that at one point he had family that had no problem with the wizarding world, but there was never anything else mentioned about them and absolutely nothing was mentioned about the family on his father's side. So, in book 7, I believe that Harry will find some more of his family.
Theory 3: At the end of book 6 Dumbledore dies. He is killed by Snape with the killing curse. But during book 6 Dumbledore seems to know very much about the Horcrux which is a way of splitting your soul and putting it into something else to keep it safe and if you die you will come back as a sort of ghostly entity. In that state you could just find another body to live in. Well he explained that you would want to put it in something that would not be destroyed or something that can die because you would lose the peice of your sould if something happend to the Horcrux. Dumbledore has a pet pheonix that doesn't die. So I was thinking that maybe he had put a peice of his soul into it so that he would not die. My other theory about the same subject is at Dumbledore's funeral Harry saw the pheonix swoop down to Dumbledores body. His body was surrounded by fire and smoke so he couldn't really see what happend. In book 2 Dumbledore told Harry that a pheonix has incredible healing abilities and that they can carry weights many time the weight of their own body. (It saved Harry from an uncurable poison.) So I was thinking that maybe the pheonix took his body away to heal it.
Theory 4: In book 5 Sirius was fighting with Bellatrix at the ministy's department of mysteries. During his fight he is pushed through this curtained arch way. He doesn't come out the other side and Dumbledore tells Harry that he is dead. That it was a void from which you can not return. Well how many times have we heard stuff like that before? So I think that Sirius will somehow come back in book 7.
Well that is all I'm going to post on here now. I will probably post more later after I check my notes at home.
BTW, I know that my boyfriend, Julian, Aura, and I will be seeing the next movie on the day before it comes out. If anyone would care to join us. We will be going to the Orange Park AMC. Probably to the 9pm showing.
current mood:  anxious
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| Monday, June 4th, 2007
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12:49 pm - fucking fuckers!
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No more room mates! No more assholes! No more users! I don't need you, fuck off! Fuck you people who think you are my family! Fuck you people who aren't really my friend! I don't want fucking drama! I moved away from everyone so I wouldn't have to fucking deal with it! No fucking parties at my house without my permission! No fucking losers that want to trash my place! No one is fucking allowed over without my expressed permission that day! No more fucking phone calls for people that don't live at my house anymore, I kicked them all out! Don't mess with my kids because I will fuck your life up (if you still have one when I'm done). Puke on my floor=clean your fucking puke up you ass munch!
BTW, I'm not actually mad, but I feel that expressing things in an angry way is the only way people understand me these days. I wish all you fuckers the peace and joy you would never wish on me!
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| Saturday, May 19th, 2007
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3:10 pm
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All day today on the Sci-Fi channel there is a Heroes marathon. I'm very excited.
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| Sunday, May 6th, 2007
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10:00 am - After the Prom
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I had such a great time last night at the Goth Prom. I went with Jon and his roommate. Everyone was dressed up so pretty. I ran into a bunch of friends I haven't seen in a long time. Let's see.....Who did I run into? My ex Brian, my ex Dave, Tim, Sketch, Amber, Jenna, and Racheal. I met this very pretty girl named Monica. She introduced herself while dancing up close to me. Then she coyly asked for a sip of my drink. She had me hold the cup for her and gently pour some into her mouth. Needless to say, it was very nice and if I had a penis I would have had to sit down for a while. Before I left Monica gave me her phone number and told me to call her because we would have a "really good time".
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| Saturday, May 5th, 2007
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2:45 pm - Goth Prom
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Yup, tonight is the night when all the freaks and darklings come out to play. They put on their best and do their makeup just right. Well I will be among them tonight. This is going to be so much fun. If you can make it out you should.
current mood:  excited
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| Thursday, April 26th, 2007
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1:13 pm
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I'm glad I have Kristina as a friend. She is a doll and so sweet too. Our kids love each other and we have so much fun hanging out.
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| Sunday, April 15th, 2007
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2:53 pm - whoops!
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Today I was driving over to Kim's house, but I wanted to stop at the game store first to trade in my games for some new ones. Well, there was only one parking spot left in the tiny parking lot. I go to pull in, and I have plenty of room. Then, out of no where, my hand slips on the steering wheel and I smash into the car next to me. As I sat there stunned, people were looking at me funny in the parking lot. The car alarm for the other person's car was blaring too. I back up and pull in right, then get out to check out the damage. My car has a tiny scratch on the front bumper. My car completely ripped off the hub cap of the rear tire on the other car along with scratching the hell out of the side of the car. Well I didn't get a ticket or anything even though the cops were called. The rest of my day has been going pretty well though.
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| Saturday, March 24th, 2007
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2:22 pm - 1 month already!
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In honor of my beautiful daughter being one month old now, I have posted some new pictures of her on myspace that I took yesterday and today. She is wearing some of her new spring dresses. In one of the pictures she is showing off her new talent: sitting up with support. In another picture she is holding her head up. I love how some of the pictures shows off her gorgeous strawberry blonde hair and her deep blue eyes. Hope everyone enjoys them.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 8th, 2007
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1:48 pm - NEW CAR!!!!!
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I got a new car today!!!! Yay, me!!! My boss loaned me some money to get it. The guy who owned it is very old and hasn't used it much ever. It just sat in his garage. It only has 60,000 miles on it. Everything on it runs great. It even has cold AC! It's much cleaner and nicer than the one I had. I'm very happy. I just need to figure out how to take my CD player out of my old one and put it into the new one.
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| Monday, March 5th, 2007
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9:55 pm - Gone Away
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A wonderful woman came into my life sweeping me off of my feet, but a need to thrive has taken her from me and left me with only memories and the songs she has bestowed upon me. I listen to them often to think of her more. As the music washes over me I am reminded of her soft, dark locks brushing against my skin. Their fragrant depths enticing me the whole time. If it were possible, I would want nothing else than to live in that moment surrounded by images of her lovliness and the music she brought to my life. Thank you oh fair one and goodbye.
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| Friday, March 2nd, 2007
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1:41 pm - Some After Thoughts
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I know that I haven't updated in a couple days and most of you probably just blew it off as me having fun with my new baby. While she has been the reason for my absence, it has not been fun. We have been in the hospital every day since we were released. First it was for her Jaundice which is very common among newborns. But yesterday everything changed. Aura wouldn't wake up, eat, or respond to any stimulus. She also hadn't gone to the bathroom in a while, so back to the ER at Shands we went. After sitting there for 5 hours in which she made no progress other than her forced BM and proving that she could sleep through having blood drawn in 6 different places they transferred us to Nemours for further testing. After looking at her blood work from Shands the doctor diagnosed Aura with Congenital Hypotyroidism. He showed me on her blood work how this should have been diagnosed in the hospital 2 days after she was born because that us when all her tests came back at insane levels for a newborn, but no one said or did anything about it. He also told me that her problem is because of the medicine the doctors had me on while I was pregnant. How fucked up is that? First they cause a problem, then they fail to mention that it exists. Beyond all that I have found out that her not being treated for this for so long can cause lasting effects like mental retardation. The doctor said she seems to be fine, but there is no way to know for sure until she is more developed. So now she is stuck taking medication for her almost nonexistant thyriod for the rest of her life.
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| Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
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7:02 pm - Big Day!
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So, tomorrow is my big day! I'm being induced at 8am. I'm a little nervous, only because of all that went wrong last time. With a little luck though, I hope to have my little girl out before the day is over. If you want my phone number I will give it to you that way you can call and keep in contact with me. Or you can just call the hospital Labor and Delivery ward to find out my room's phone number. Visitors are welcome. Only 2 at a time though and no children under 12 except for siblings. Aura is threatening to make an appearance tonight though because I have been having really bad contractions about every 7 minutes. Julian is really excited and he can't wait to be a big brother too. He has been my little helper through it all. He told me that Aura is going to be beautiful just like me too! He is so sweet. Well I hope everyone has fun this weekend!
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| Friday, February 16th, 2007
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8:33 am - Valentine's Day
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My V-day went pretty well considering I was very ill. I had spent the entire night before in the hospital with labor pains. I hadn't had any sleep and was looking forward to sleeping all day while Julian was at school. Then this beautiful angel named Roz showed up bearing her usual sexy and delightful self along with presents. (See we had made a date for V-day, but after getting out of the hospital I called and left a message to cancel.) She didn't get the message though and I'm glad she didn't. I needed the cheering up and company. Well she brought over 4 movies (The L Word sn.1 dc.1, Marie Antionette, The Grudge 2, and Mean Girls), A vase with gorgeous flowers in it, and a CD she had made esspecially for me. At the sight of this I felt very bad and unprepared because of finances and being in and out of the hospital so much I hadn't been able to get her anything except a card. Well we only had time to watch one movie before she and I had to go get our sons, so I chose The L Word. I had never seen it before and it sounded really interesting. Now I'm addicted. Thank you Roz for a wonderful day with an always wonderful you!!!
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| Monday, February 12th, 2007
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12:53 pm - WARNING!!! May contain gross content!!!!
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I went to the doctor this morning and asked them if they would induce me today. She said that if I was 3cm that they would, but I was only 2cm. However, my mucus plug is completely gone. The doctor scraped my membrane to make it thinner and tried to stretch my cervix a little. She also scheduled me to be induced next Thursday (the 22nd) at 8am. This is if I don't have her by then. I'm excited. I can't wait to see my beautiful baby girl. She has been really bouncy and active since we left the doctors.
current mood: excited
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